


Behind the Shadows

by pugglemuggle



Category: What We Do in the Shadows (2014)
Genre: Dark Comedy, Forum Posts, Gen, Mentions of Death, POV Outsider, mentions of cannibalism, they're vampires so
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-12-18
Updated: 2018-12-18
Packaged: 2019-09-22 02:36:26
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,461
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17051456
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/pugglemuggle/pseuds/pugglemuggle
Summary: What's really going on in Wellington? True crime forums, bouncers, neighbors, hotel managers, and Uber drivers alike all weigh in.





	Behind the Shadows

**Author's Note:**

  * For [xaara](https://archiveofourown.org/users/xaara/gifts).



> hope you like this! :) i saw the combination of "What We Do In The Shadows" and "outsider POV" and I knew I had to write something. thanks for giving me the opportunity!
> 
> this story was brought to you in part by: jetlag. without you, this story might have been written at normal times instead of 4AM on my holiday break.

Wellington is an strange place. Strange things happen there.

Any tour guide with any credentials would be able to tell you that Wellington is New Zealand’s second largest city and the world’s southernmost capital, but these facts are not what make Wellington strange. Nor are Wellington's unusually high winds, or unusually high population of Lord of the Rings fans. These are simply  _ unusual _ —not strange, per se. The true strangeness of Wellington, New Zealand lies in something just beyond the public’s nosy news stations and Tolkien-themed tourism agencies. It’s something darker, more sinister. The things that make Wellington truly strange are something no one would ever dare suggest: monsters.

And some of these monsters have names: Viago, Vladislav, Deacon, and Nick.

 

—

 

TRUE CRIME WELLINGTON | FORUMS

Thread: News updates: Missing Persons

Started by PI_By_Hobby on 24 Feb 2007 20:01

 

POST:

User: Lost-N-Found (Member)  _ 4021 Posts _

Posted 2014-05-14 - 19:04

Hello all. Below is the 3rd missing young woman this month. I've copied the text of the ad directly:

 

> **MISSING**
> 
>  
> 
> **Have you seen this woman?**
> 
>  
> 
> Josephine White
> 
> Age: 27
> 
> Height: 5’7”
> 
> Weight: 120lbs
> 
> Last seen May 11th at Andre’s bar wearing a patterned fleece jacket, glasses, and jeans. 
> 
> If you have any information or have seen Josephine please contact the police immediately.
> 
>  
> 
> **ANY INFORMATION HELPS!**

 

Just like the other ones, she was last seen with her friends at a bar talking with an old acquaintance. No ID on the acquaintance yet… Two’s a coincidence, but three could be a pattern. Thoughts?

 

POST:

User: inspect0r_glade (Member)  _ 230 Posts _

Posted 2014-05-14 - 19:16

She looks super fuckin familiar. Is she a local?

 

POST:

User: Lost-N-Found (Member)  _ 4022 Posts _

Posted 2014-05-14 - 19:19

Yes, she’s a local. From the east side, her friends say. Her Facebook says she’s a waitress at a South African place there. No significant other, not a lot of public posts there either. Just birthday wishes from like, 2 years ago.

 

POST:

User: inspect0r_glade (Member)  _ 231 Posts _

Posted 2014-05-14 - 19:21

No shit, I’ve definitely eaten at the South African place on the east side a few times. Not the night she went missing of course but still. Weird.

 

—

 

Rich has been a bouncer at Boogie Wonderland nightclub for four years. He turns away a lot of weirdos—partiers drunk off their asses, hornier than rabbits, higher than kites. Boogie Wonderland isn’t the most respectable establishment, but it’s sure as hell not the worst in Wellington, and Rich intends to keep it that way. No funny business.

So when three men show up dressed like they crawled out of Pride and Prejudice or some shit, he’s a little suspicious. They ain’t completely pissed though, or high, or naked, so here guesses they’re probably just coming back from some costume pub crawl. Whatever. As long as they don’t cause trouble, Rich doesn’t care. He nods at them when they approach and steps aside.

“May we come in?” asks the tallest one. He has a long coat over some kind of dumb white cravat that goes all the way up to his chin. Looks uncomfortable.

“We’re open until 5AM,” Rich says. “Cover is ten dollars.”

“Yes, but…” The man glances at his companions. “Can we come in?”

Rich frowns. “If you have ten dollars.”

One of the other men—the one with the weird fuckin’ facial hair—cuts into the conversation. “No, no, no.  _ Can we come in? _ ”

“I dunno. Can you?” Rich crosses his arms.

“You don’t understand. We need you to invite us in.”

“Not sure I want to, mate, if you’re going to be so fuckin’ obtuse.”

Weird Facial Hair looks livid for a second, and then Cravat starts pulling him away with a weird forced smile. “Thank you, good night.”

God. What were they on, really? Those were some of the weirdest blokes Rich’s dealt with all month. He’d rather deal with drunk, high, horny clubbers any day.

He’ll have to tell his mate Nick then next time he sees him.

 

—

 

TRUE CRIME WELLINGTON | FORUMS

Thread: History Question - Wellington Cannibals?

Started by KiwiCrimes on 16 June 2014 02:08 

 

POST:

User: KiwiCrimes (Member)  _ 843 Posts _

Posted 2014-06-16 - 02:08

Is there a history of cannibals in Wellington? I overheard some guy outside a bar talking in front of a camera about eating someone and it really freaked me out. Specifically, he was talking about wishing he could eat some bouncer. He was dressed in old-fashioned clothes.

Have there been cannibals in Wellington before? Could this guy have been making a reference to something that happened in the past? Or did I just stumble across a weird indie crime movie shoot?

 

POST:

User: Lost-N-Found (Member)  _ 4103 Posts _

Posted 2014-06-16 - 02:11

There haven't been any cannibals in recent history. You probably saw some guys making an amateur mockumentary or something.

 

—

 

Mrs. Collington sees a decidedly dishonorable number of young people visit the manor next door. 

They always come in the evenings, just after the sun has set beyond the mountains and the street lights have flickered to life. They are always alone—never in groups, never in pairs. Mrs. Collington notices these things. She’s not  _ nosy _ . She just wants to know what’s going on in her neighborhood. It’s what she calls being a  _ concerned citizen _ .

And these neighbors of hers, well. Her faith states she must love her neighbors, Matthew 7:1 says, “Do not judge, or you too will be judged.” She tries to follow these doctrines with most of the other families in the neighborhood, but the neighbors in the manor next door… The Lord didn’t write Matthew 7:1 to tell her not to judge the obscene amount of frivolous sodomy that must be going on inside those walls. She can’t even  _ begin  _ to count how many young women— _ and men!— _ she’s seen entering the house at dusk, only to stay there until long after Mrs. Collington has given up waiting for them to come out. She has never seen one of them leave—not once. 

And then there’s the  _ noises _ . The cries, the screams, the unholy racket. It lasts all night, sometimes. She has tried calling the police on numerous occasions to file noise complaints, but the police have never done a damn thing. They’re useless. She’s half-convinced they’re being hypnotized.

Mrs. Collington has only once seen the men who live in that godforsaken house. It was December, seven years ago, on a Sunday night. The moon was full, and darkness had settled like a cloak over the sleepy neighborhood, broken only by the glow of porch lights, street lamps, and the occasional taxi. Mrs. Collington remembers turning off the Piers Morgan show and hobbling to the kitchen to fix herself some tea when she heard the most  _ abominable  _ racket coming from the outside the manor next door.

She peered through the blinds of the window above her sink and saw, to her horror, two young men making quite the commotion in their front lawn. They were swatting a broom at what looked like a bat. The bat suddenly darted off and a third man— _ completely naked— _ appeared from behind a bush near the porch. He then proceeded to move the manor’s rubbish and recycling bins out to the curb, cursing and yelling all the while. 

Well. Rubbish pickup was the next morning, she supposed. At least these horrible sinners knew the day of the week.

That was the only time she had ever spotted the men living in that house. Sure, she saw shadows through curtains, and the occasional hand drawing the blinds, but nothing more. The only consistent spectacle was the near-constant flow of young bodies into that sodomous manor.

Lord. If God had known about these people, he certainly would have written an addendum to Matthew 7:1.

 

—

 

TRUE CRIME WELLINGTON | FORUMS

Thread: News updates: Missing Persons

Started by PI_By_Hobby on 24 Feb 2007 20:01

\----

POST:

User: inspect0r_glade (Member)  _ 240 Posts _

Posted 2014-06-30 - 18:04

Still no updates on Josephine? 

 

POST:

User: Lost-N-Found (Member)  _ 4183 Posts _

Posted 2014-06-30 - 18:50

None that I can find, unfortunately. But there was that Nick guy who went missing at the same time who's since shown up, so maybe she'll show up too?

 

POST:

User: inspect0r_glade (Member)  _ 241 Posts _

Posted 2014-06-30 - 18:55

I hope so! For now I guess this is another one for the “unsolved” pin board.

 

—

 

When Ivan tells people that he is an Uber driver, they say, “You must meet a lot of interesting people,” and “You must see a lot of strange things.” Ivan always frowns and shakes his head. “Not really,” he’ll say. Compared to Russia, Wellington is tame. “Like dog with no bite.”

And it’s true. Front page crime articles here would barely make the paper back in Moscow. Teenagers walk the streets with their phones on display in their palms and their backpacks barely zipped closed on their backs. Ivan still laughs when he sees them. They would not last a second in Russia.

Ivan has seen many odd and dangerous things in his lifetime, and so Ivan does not bat an eye when he picks up a strangely dressed group of men from the clubbing district at two in the morning. They are wearing the same kinds of clothes he might expect to see in old paintings—except for one, who is in jeans and a hoodie. They reek of blood and alcohol. Like home, Ivan thinks.

The three strange ones squeeze into the back seat, and the normal one joins Ivan up front. “You are Nick?” Ivan asks. The normal-looking one nods.

“How does he know your name?” asks one of the passengers in the back. He has long dark hair and a mustache. “Do you know this man?”

“No. It’s on the app,” says the normal man. “The phone told him.”

“His phone knows your name?”

“No, it’s—that’s just how Uber works.”

“I like this Uber,” says the clean one from the middle seat in the back. “This is much better than flying back.”

“Yes—much better,” agrees the dark one. “Deacon’s idea was terrible.”

“We  _ always _ fly back,” the last passenger—Deacon—protests. He looks as though he has an off-white Ikea rug slung over his shoulders. “This Uber isn’t  _ special _ . It’s like having a servant. I already have a servant.  _ Nick _ doesn’t have a servant.”

The other two in the back seat ignore him. “Thank you for summoning the Uber,” says the clean one.

“Yes. You have good ideas, Nick.”

Deacon scoffs loudly and crosses his arms, scowling out the window. 

Ivan’s other passengers chatter on through the rest of the drive, talking about the club they had been to, and dancing, and virgins. Ivan tunes them out. Occasionally he catches an odd word or two like “bite” and “blood” and “slave”. He pays them little mind. He has heard stranger things.

When he arrives at the drop-off location, he pulls to the curb and lets the four men out of the car.

“Can we eat the driver?” Ivan hears the dark one ask. Ivan frowns. He eyes the baseball bat he keeps next to his seat and nudges it with his foot.

“No, we shouldn’t. He works for a company. They’d find out,” Nick says. Then they walk up the path to the house and disappear inside.

Hm. Not the strangest thing Ivan’s experienced. He nudges his bat back into place and pulls away from the curb. 

A few blocks away, his phone pings.  _ Nick left you Five Stars _ . Ivan loiters at a stop sign and picks up his phone.

He gives Nick five stars back.

 

—

 

TRUE CRIME WELLINGTON | FORUMS

Thread: I MET A VAMPIRE!!!

Started by RyleighRules on 6 Sept 2014 15:54

 

POST:

User: RyleighRules (Member)  _ 8 Posts _

Posted 2014-09-06 - 15:54 

I was out clubbing last night and this guy told me he was a vampire. I was like “whatever dude lol” but then he kept insisting, and then he FLEW OFF THE GROUND INTO THE AIR. I didn't get any pictures bc it was dark but I SAW IT. He was a vampire guys!!

 

POST:

User: ParttimePI (Moderator)  _ 3827 Posts _

Posted 2014-09-06 - 16:10

This thread has been closed due to violations of community rules. The Wellington True Crime forum is a place for serious crime discussion, not supernatural hoaxes. 

Please do not make posts like this again or you will risk being banned.

 

—

 

The ballroom space in Wellington’s Hilton Hotel is, on occasion, rented out for private events held by members of the community. As the hotel’s general manager, Fran is responsible for coordinating ballroom rentals with those running these events, whether they are politicians hosting donor banquets or a local school district running a charity auction. These events are usually fantastic money-making opportunities for Fran and her staff. The guests are well-behaved, the chefs are kept busy, and the waitstaff are paid generously in tips and overtime. Everyone is happy.

There is, however, one exception. 

The annual “Unholy Masquerade” is a ball hosted by some odd satanist group from somewhere in Wellington. Fran isn’t sure how they could possibly have enough money to rent out the space, since they don’t seem to be very big or well known, but every year without fail some representative contacts Fran to book the “Cathedral of Despair” for October 31st—Halloween night. 

She really wishes they’d stop calling it the “Cathedral of Despair”. It’s the Hilton ballroom. It’s nothing that grand.

The Unholy Masquerade is Fran’s least favorite part about working at the Hilton. The guests are  _ monsters _ —they’re messy, they’re loud, and they break more wine glasses than the hotel breaks in at least a year. At least they hire their own waitstaff. Back in 2010, Fran assigned someone from her own crew to fill in for a missing waiter during the Unholy Masquerade, and that boy has never been the same since. 

The service industry can really do a number on a person.

Unfortunately, this year is no exception to the terror of the Unholy Masquerade. Fran gets the call just like she does every year, and just like every year, the money is too good to refuse. She pencils them in for the ballroom on the 31st. 

Then she takes a bottle of brandy off the shelf in her office. She’s going to need it. They’re all going to need it.

 

—

 

TRUE CRIME WELLINGTON | FORUMS

Thread: Theory - Wellington Secret Society???

Started by whodunnit5 on 5 Nov 2014 10:31

 

POST:

User: whodunnit5 (Member)  _ 721 Posts _

Posted 2014-11-05 - 10:31

Ok, ok, I know the thread title seems pretty far fetched, but hear me out. 

Every year, there's this weird ball at the downtown Hilton.

I first noticed this weird ball a few years ago when I saw a big group of people dressed in super weird fancy costumes gather around the hotel. I live really close to the Hilton downtown, so I occasionally see stuff like this happen. At first I thought it was a costume party or a convention or something. It was Halloween. Not super unusual.

I saw the people again the next year. Again, not especially weird. Sure, the costumes were kinda wacky, and some of the zombie makeup was top-tier movie quality, but maybe these folks are just really enthusiastic about Halloween.

And then this year, they were back, and I decided to see if I could figure out what this event was called. I tried asking one of the zombie guys but he just grunted at me, which was really awkward. But, I did manage to overhear one of the other guests say the words “Unholy Masquerade”.

I googled it, and found...nothing. No mention that this was even going on. Nothing in newspapers or on Facebook. 

I talked to one of my neighbors and she says that this event has been happening for  _ years _ . She moved here twenty years ago and there's been a ball every Halloween since. Who knows how long it had been going on before she got here.

So, tl;dr: There's a weird “Unholy Masquerade” ball every Halloween and the guests go bananas on hyperrealistic costumes. It's been going on for 20+ years and there is no record of it anywhere. Smells like an SS?

What do you all think?

 

POST:

User: charlibravo (Member)  _ 213 Posts _

Posted 2014-11-05 - 10:36

Could just be an annual LARPing event. The SS thing sounds like a stretch.

 

POST:

User: whodunnit5 (Member)  _ 722 Posts _

Posted 2014-11-05 - 10:37

I hear you charlibravo, but if it was a LARPing thing wouldn't there be some kind of online presence? I already checked the Wellington LARP Facebook page and the Wellington LARP forum and couldn't find any mention of an “Unholy Masquerade”. 

 

POST

User: skeptikism (Member)  _ 936 Posts _

Posted 2014-11-05 - 10:48

It could just be a bunch of old rich people who like throwing big parties. Your “evidence” is tenuous. A lack of evidence is not evidence of an SS.

 

—

 

Nina likes her new neighborhood. She and Mark have only lived here for a couple months, but so far their home is lovely, and there’s a primary school right around the corner! Perfect for their growing family. Little Miles will be toddling off to class before they know it.

All the neighbors seem friendly. Mrs. Collington is a bit  _ intense _ , if well-intentioned. She’s taken to putting flyers for the local church under their doormat every few weeks, even though they’ve told her they aren’t practicing. 

And then there are the neighbors across the street next to Mrs. Collington—the odd ones. She’s only seen them a couple times. The first time, Miles was crying in the middle of the night, which he hadn’t done in a long while. Nina was rocking him in front of the window, trying to help him get back to sleep, when across the street she saw four men stumbling out of an Uber and walking up the drive. If the way they were walking was any indicator, they were drunker than Nina had been since uni.

Tonight is the second time. She and Mark are coming home from meeting a couple of old friends for dinner, trying to be quiet as they fish around in their pockets for the keys. Just as Nina finds them—coat pocket!—the front door to the house across the street bursts open, and four men in costume descend down the steps.

“We should say hi,” Mark whispers. “We haven’t met them yet.”

Nina gives him a pained look. It’s  _ late _ , she communicates with her eyes. They’re exhausted.  _ Socially _ exhausted. Can’t they just go inside, send the babysitter home, and go to bed?

Mark frowns, and glances at the neighbors again.  _ But when will we get a chance to meet them again?  _ His look seems to say.  _ We barely see them. _

_ Babe, please _ .  _ It’s late _ .

Mark sighs.  _ Okay, okay. Another time.  _

They get inside. When Nina peeks through the curtains, the neighbors are gone.

A few weeks later, Mark finally gets his opportunity to finish his mission to introduce themselves to all the neighbors. Instead of another one of Mrs. Collington’s flyers, they find an invitation to a dinner party on their doorstep—a dinner party at the neighbor’s house across the street.

“We should absolutely go,” Mark says. “We could turn on the baby monitor and bring it with us. We’ll be right across the street if he wakes up.”

“I guess…” Nina allows. She  _ has  _ been dying to see what the inside of that place looks like. It’s practically a haunted manor.

Maybe it’ll be fun.

 

—

 

TRUE CRIME WELLINGTON | FORUMS

Thread: News updates: Missing Persons

Started by PI_By_Hobby on 24 Feb 2007 20:01

 

POST:

User: inspect0r_glade (Member)  _ 330 Posts _

Posted 2014-11-15 - 18:04

Ok, it's officially been 6 months since she went missing. Time to add this one to the cold case thread. :(

 

POST:

User: Lost-N-Found (Member)  _ 5001 Posts _

Posted 2014-11-15 - 18:09

I'll flag a mod. Thanks for the information everyone. Too bad this forum couldn't find any leads.

 

—

 

Wellington is a strange place. People disappear, horrors unfold, and unnatural tales are spun—if only you know where to look. The man on the street corner wearing the fur jacket may be a fashion-impaired clubber, or he may be a centuries-old vampire on the hunt for fresh blood. The interpretation is a matter entirely reliant on the interpreter's own biases. 

Which interpretation is the correct one, you ask? Well, if you’d really like to know, there may be a way to find out. Come to 302 Harrison Drive in east Wellington this Thursday night. Dinner will be served promptly at 7PM. 

Don’t be late—we’d hate to keep the other guests hungry.

**Author's Note:**

> I feel like there's so much more that I could have done with your prompt—tabloid articles, historical documents, etc. My biggest regret though is forgetting to include the door-to-door missionaries from your prompt. That would have been *gold*. Maybe I'll get to it someday.


End file.
